Assassins of Joy

By Elizabeth Myers


 It had been five years since I've seen an oak tree, smelled asphalt, and heard the subtle chirp of a blue jay. The leaves crunched under my tan boots, still stained auburn on the sides from the red clay soil. By the time the plane departed, I only had one uniform left. It was still speckled with blood stains, most of which was not my own; except of course the large crescent shaped spot near my calf, where my leg had almost been cut off, and I had almost bled to death. 

    As I approached the bend in the road, I got a knot in my stomach. I just knew something was wrong, but I couldn't place it. I tried to calm myself with memories of home, with memories of Jane. I hadn't seen her for almost six years, because most of my training required me to be on the base, and away from home. I never thought going into this war would make me lose so much... I never thought I would almost lose my life, almost lose my best friend, almost lose my sanity...

    I could almost see it then. I could almost touch the cobblestone along the tower on the far end of the house, and run my fingertips across the maple support beams on the front porch. I could hear the wind running through the loose shingles on the roof, and I could imagine Jane gazing from the highest window in the tower. 

   I stopped as I reached the end of the driveway, and looked upward in horror. That was not my tower. That was not my front yard. That was not my house. Immediately my mind flicked to Jane. I ran to the door and beat on it furiously. An elderly lady and man came to the door, along with a young boy and cocker spaniel puppy. I stepped back in remorse, and a tear slid down my cheek. 

   "Where is she?" 

   The woman's hands shook as she spoke, "what ever do you mean dear boy?" She stopped when she noticed my uniform. "Have you just come home?"

   "Yes." I took a step closer. "Now. Where. Is. Jane?"

   The little boy spoke up, "who's Jane?" then he piped up "wait, is she that lady who gave us this place?"

   The man petted the boy's hair, trying to quiet him.

   My voice thickened, "what are you talking about?"

   The woman departed the foyer, leaving me to the old man and the boy. A few moments later she returned with an envelope, and handed it to me. I looked from it to her a couple of times in confusion. "What's this? Where's Jane? Who are you?" The door shut in my face, and I resorted to the envelope.

   Chris, 

    If you're reading this, remember: I love you. But you have to do something for me. Go to our church, and speak with Father Choby. He'll explain everything.

    Love, Jane

* * *

    I stood at the front steps of the church and waited. The door was locked, so I had no way to reach Father Choby. Just before the evening mass was to begin, I heard his car pull up. "Father..."

    He didn't seem to recognize me, but when I stepped closer, his eyes lit up, and he smiled my name.. "Christopher! So good to see you home safe and sound my boy!"

    "Where's Jane? She told me to speak with you." 

    His eyes drooped. "Jane? Son, don't you know?"

    "Know what? Stop toying with me Father... I need to see my wife.."

    He led me down the gravel path near the church that led to the cemetery. I should've known then, but I was so mixed up, I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to see my wife. He stopped near what seemed to be a new grave. I mean, it wasn't freshly dug, but it looked that the grass was just starting to grow back. Father put a hand on my shoulder, "I'll leave you two alone..."

    "What are you talking about? Where are you going? Father? Father!" ...but he was gone. I knelt down by the stone and read the inscription, taken from us too soon, but with us forever... Jane Emiline Victoria E'lin: May 12, 1987-September 26, 2014 And underneath the inscription was a separate message, to my dearest, most beloved husband: te amo mi amor, you will always be in my heart... I'll see you soon baby -Love, Jane

    My broken heart fell to the broken earth below, ".....no....no......" I began to scream and smash things around me. "Jane! No! Jaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeee!!!! Whhhhhyyyyy?!?! Jaaaaaaaaannnnnnnneeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!"

* * *

    ...And that, Doctor, is why I want to kill myself...