Me, You and 'Medicine'

By Abbey Cox

I find it hard to say "bye bye"

Even in the state of you and I

     Reds and yellows and blues dance around your face as we drive, the neon lights of tattered old signs shining down on us from where we fly past them. You always drive with the windows rolled down, even when the ground is covered white and the cold heaves out against your neck. You said that you liked to feel how fast you are going, liked the way the air rushed around you. You swore it feels like flying.

     I always laughed, never understanding what you meant, but with the wind carding through my hair and pushing salt air through my lungs, I think I might get it now. It took me a while. I'm sorry. 

And how can I refuse?

Yeah you rid me of the blues

Ever since you came into my life

     I'm staring at your hands. I'm always staring at your hands.

     One is clamped around the wheel, gripping so tight blue veins stand out against pale skin; the other is laying on my leg, thumb stroking along the curve right above my knee. Goosebumps liter my skin and at this point don't know if it's from the cold or your touch. 

     I know that this is where we end- know that when I get out of the car and walk away from this, I won't be coming back for you. 

     I think you know that too, and I think that's why your ocean eyes are making waves of their own and I'm sorry. 

I, I wanna marry you
Said I, I adore you
And that's all I have to say, bye-bye

     The speakers of your car are old, the sound more fuzzy than it should be, but the soft chords ring out in the silence between us, softly singing the words we used to belt along to. 

     You used to play with my hair as I drew flowers up and down your arm, humming the melody to me. I would always start in on the chorus, singing the words like a promise I could keep. Turns out I couldn't. I wish I could.  

     I wish I could, wish I could go back to nights of skin burning with the brush of a hand, our eyes starry like the inky night, lips bruised from the impact of us, and stay intoxicated by you forever. I wish I could stay with you forever.

     I don't really think the song has lost its meaning, but I think I've lost you.

     I'm sorry.

And you opiate this hazy head of mine

  

     We felt so much. Breathing each other in for the sake of our sanity. Stomachs fluttering with everything we felt for each other as we sucked galaxies into each others skin as just another way to claim each other as our own. Hands on skin tethering us to the earth as if we would float away if we even thought to let go. I might still float away but I think it's time we stopped holding each other down.

     I'm sorry.  

Cause you're my medicine
(Yeah, you're medicine)
Yeah, you're my medicine
(You're medicine)

     Your eyes haven't left the road but I just want you to look at me. I remember when you couldn't stop looking at me. Please look at me. 

     There is nothing we could say to make this better, our words have ran dry but I don't need words anymore, I know what would tumble out of your mouth if you tried. I don't want to hear it. I just want you to look at me like you used to- eyes bright and blue and reflecting the love you felt for me like the moon against the still ocean. 

     You haven't looked at me like that in a long time and I'm starting to go crazy at the indifference on your face and I just want you to look at me. 

     I'm sorry.

Cause you're my medicine

(Yeah, you're medicine)

     You pull into a gas station that's more worn down than we are, and your lips exhale in a shaky breath that i know is meant to be a question.

     Is this it? 

     I look at you again, taking in the cut of your jaw and the splatter of freckles across your nose. I let a sob vibrate out of my throat and I lean in to you, tangling a hand into the hair curling at the nape of your neck. I let my lips brush hard againt your neck, letting the heat radiating from you consume me like it has so many times before.

     You still won't look at me, eyes pressed together hard, lip raw from where you are working it between your teeth. I can tell you're trying not to cry. It's okay. I think I want to cry too. I don't think I can though. 

     I pull away, leaning back into the seat and folding my legs into my chest. I look forward at the empty street and the empty gas station and I just want to know if everything is as empty as I am?

     I don't want to let you go yet and I think you know that.

     You pull out the way we came. 

     I'm sorry.  

Yeah, you're my medicine

(You're medicine)